Lyrics

Dogs Don’t Say Bow-Wow

I went to Elmer Fudd to study elocution.
If you’re part of the pwecipitate you’re not part of the solution.
I started on this journey as a solitary cell.
It’s my ultimate ambition to be terminally well.

Dogs don’t say bow-wow,
‘though that is how it’s writ.
Cats don’t say meow
and assholes don’t say shit.

They call me the second cousin once-removed of soul.
I’m at the event horizon of my personal black hole.
I’m keeping myself kempt and I’m trying to stay couth.
I need to learn the difference between honesty and truth.

It’s Scotch tape for mummies.
It’s ventriloquism for dummies.
You know the joke has gone too far
when a guy walks out of a bar.

I’ve been waiting all my life for somebody like you.
Somebody like you, but not actually you.
I’m tired of being lonely and I’m looking for a soul mate.
A mammal with a pulse, or at least a vertebrate.
A substitute who reminds me of you.
Anyone will do. Anyone but you.

It wasn’t my intent to be the death of the party.
I don’t mean you any harm. I’m not Professor Moriarty.
I hate to spoil the fun. I don’t mean to kill the buzz.
Don’t want to piss on your parade. I just can’t help myself because

dogs don’t say bow-wow,
‘though that is how it’s writ.
Cats don’t say meow
and assholes don’t say shit.