From the recording This Crib Is Making Me Crazy

This song is dedicated to and was inspired by my granddaughter Penelope (Nelly), who was also the model for the cover art photo. It is a humorous impression of what it might be like to experience life from a baby's perspective. The wailing clarinet solo is an allusion to an infant's sonorous vocalizations. The title of the song was Rebecca's first sentence, spoken when she was 17 months old.

Lyrics

This crib is making me crazy.
It’s so hard to be a baby.
No one understands what I am thinking.
A playpen’s just a cage
for people underage.
It’s so bad I’ve had to turn to drinking.

I get the urge to tipple
whenever I can find a nipple
connected to a breast or to a bottle.
I’m helpless. I have no control
when they strap me in a stroller
or put me in restraints they call a swaddle.

I suck, I nap, I pee, I poop.
I’m stuck inside an endless loop.
Waiting for a baby wiper
who can change my dirty diaper.

It can drive a baby buggy
to have to wear a Huggie,
incontinent of urine and of stool.
I cannot stand. I cannot walk.
I don’t understand your talk.
I just cry ‘cause life can be so cruel.

[INSTRUMENTAL]

I suck, I nap, I pee, I poop.
I’m stuck inside an endless loop.
Waiting for a baby wiper
who can change my dirty diaper.

Let me tell you that it may be
difficult to be a baby.
Napping doesn’t mean that I am lazy.
I’m working on coordination,
synapses, and myelination.
I cry because this crib is making me crazy.