Lyrics

They say that for the pure of heart
true paradise awaits.
But do you know how many pearls
bejewel the Pearly Gates?
Where you can feel the fluttering
of the holy angels’ wings,
or listen to the Song of Songs
sung for the King of Kings?
No need to bow your head and pray
for seven come eleven
when you can find the answer in
A Traveler’s Guide to Heaven.

And if your heart is not so pure
when you meet the Holy Ghost,
and your heretical behavior
should offend the heavenly host?
There’s no need for you to panic.
You can manage very well
if you consult your copy of
A Traveler’s Guide to Hell.
Where you can find the coolest place
to hook up with the hottest ladies,
and you can chill with handsome devils
like Mephistopheles and Hades?

Your karma is an open secret.
It’s transparently opaque.
Why must you beg forgiveness
for every mistake you ever make?
Were you nice or were you naughty?
Were you well or ill-behaved?
At end of days, it doesn’t matter
if you are damned or you are saved,
‘cause there’s a Guide to get you through it
when it’s your time to split the scene,
and A Traveler’s Guide to Purgatory
if you wind up in-between.